The Mental Load of Leadership

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Listen to this week’s podcast episode, Ep.176: Mental Health, Mental Fitness, the Black Belt Mindset & the Role of Leadership, with Raj Soren, using the player below, or click here.

What Happens When You Push Too Hard for Too Long

Raj Soren thought he was having a heart attack. Chest pain. Panic. Short breath. He collapsed at work and ended up in the hospital. But the tests came back clear.

Thankfully, it wasn’t his heart. It was stress. Full-blown burnout.

At the time, Raj was juggling a demanding corporate career, martial arts training, charity work, and parenting. We all probably recognise those signs, too many plates spinning, some of them starting to wobble. And Raj did what so many of us have done in similar situations: kept pushing. Thought he could carry it all. Until his body said no.

After that, Raj didn’t just slow down and take it easy for a month or two, he changed direction completely, focusing on long-term health. He started asking better questions. And he built a coaching practice around helping people stay healthy in their businesses.

Your Body Is Talking. Are You Listening?

Raj wants leaders to stop ignoring what their bodies are telling them.

Lack of sleep? Foggy thinking? Short fuse? That’s not “just a busy week.” That’s a signal. Raj shared a Japanese medical condition called Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. It’s when stress literally changes the shape of your heart: “You can’t perform if you’re stressed.”

That’s not a slogan, it’s biology and during this week’s conversation Raj explained how your brain function drops when you’re sleep-deprived. How you lose 10 to 15 percent of your IQ from bad sleep patterns and stress. And that most people don’t realise how bad it is until it’s too late.

New leaders often mistake hustle for strength. But if you're burning out and ignoring warning signs, you're not strong; you're just delayed in your crash.

The MEDS Framework: What You Can Control

Raj talks about something called MEDS. It’s not a prescription but rather a simple, no-nonsense way to check in with yourself:

• M is for Mindfulness. Not the fancy kind. Just quiet time without screens. A walk. A chat. A moment to breathe.

• E is for Exercise. Doesn’t have to be a gym membership. A 20-minute walk still counts.

• D is for Diet. Are you eating meals or inhaling snacks at your desk between calls?

• S is for Sleep. Are you getting real rest or just collapsing in bed at midnight and waking up in panic at 3am?

This isn’t self-care fluff, think of it as operational, preventative, maintenance. If you expect high performance from yourself or your team, you need to manage these four things. They’re the fuel system and ignoring them means running out of fuel too soon, then everything else breaks down.

The Culture You Create Starts with How You React

Raj sees the effects of bad leadership all the time in his field and the work that he does. People afraid to say they’re struggling, people working through pain, people scared to speak up in case they get passed over for promotion.

He said: “If you had a broken arm, you'd get flowers and someone come in to visit you. If you have mental health issues, people try and avoid you.”

He’s trying to change that. But it starts with leaders: if you're in charge and people don’t feel safe saying “I’m not okay,” then the culture is broken, no matter how good your mission statement sounds or how many pizza parties or away days you organise.

According to Raj, managers need to look at how they respond when someone flags a problem.

Do you listen or shut it down?
Do you follow up or forget?
Do you send real help or just point to a policy?

The smallest reaction can have a disproportionate impact on the outcome, and the effects on the team’s culture.

Watch for These Warning Signs in Yourself or Others

Raj says most people who crash don’t see it coming, but there are some patterns you can watch for:

• Sunday headaches

• Irritability or low patience

• Forgetting basic stuff

• Skipping meals or eating junk

• Poor sleep or waking up tired

• Constant rushing with no clear reason

He says: “Ask family and friends to call it out. You might not like it, but it could stop you breaking.”

He also reminds leaders to check the basics. Are your people always “on”? Are meetings stacked back-to-back? Is your culture rewarding overwork?

If so, you’re not just mismanaging people, you’re helping build the pressure that breaks them.

Mental Fitness Should Be Normal

Raj believes we need to stop saying “mental health” like it’s something separate.

We talk about physical fitness like it’s a good thing. Why not mental fitness?

He tells companies to normalise conversations about well-being. Not make them special projects. Nor awkward HR scripts. Just regular, honest check-ins. Leaders should talk about their own challenges too. Not to get sympathy but to set the tone.

He also shared examples of businesses making real change beyond beanbags and token “wellness rooms.” One group started an autism hiring program with tailored onboarding, another created sensory-friendly offices. These aren’t PR moves. They’re practical decisions that make life better for employees.

And better employees perform better. (It’s not complicated!!).

One Last Thought

If you’ve identified a challenge, remember you won’t get different outcomes without different inputs; without changing something.

If your team is tired, distracted, or constantly stressed, they can’t give you their best. And no bonus or pep talk will fix it.

What will?

Paying attention. Asking questions. Giving space. And taking care of yourself first; both to set the right example and so you have the headspace to lead others.

You don’t have to be a wellness guru, just don’t ignore the signs.

Once again, here’s the link to this week’s episode, thanks for reading and I’ll be back next week to chat optimism, resilience, success, and more with my next guest Lindsey Burden. See you then.

Be a Leader, Not a Boss,

- David

In case you don’t know me that well, I’m David Hatch and I’m here to help new managers and first-time founders with their leadership skills, so they can become leaders not bosses, lead with integrity, and build happier, higher performing teams, more effective organisations, and, ultimately: successful businesses.

If you’d like to join Integrity Leaders, my online leadership community (solopreneurs also welcome 😉) and participate in live member-only workshops, events, and access an ever growing list of leadership resources as well as get early access to podcast episodes, you can be part of it now. If you want to learn more about leadership and have a healthy love of sci-fi and fantasy, this is the place for you. Here’s the link:
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