Is The Mainstream Definition of Authenticity Missing the Point?

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Listen to this week’s podcast episode, Ep.197: Don’t Be Yourself; The Limits of Authenticity, and Leading with Your Best Self, with Dr Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, using the player below, or click here.

The Problem With Being Authentic

“Just be yourself.” It’s well-meaning advice, it sounds empowering, and it’s been printed on more inspirational posters than anyone would care to admit.

But what if it’s also bad advice?

That’s the central challenge in this week’s episode of Leading with Integrity, where I was joined by Dr Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, an Organisational Psychologist, Professor, and Author of 15 books, including his latest: Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated and What to Do Instead.

Tomas has spent decades studying leadership effectiveness, personality, self-awareness, confidence, and the gap between who we think we are and who we actually show up as. And he makes a simple, almost uncomfortable point: Being yourself is not the same as being your best self.

In our conversation this week, we unpack why authenticity has become such a buzzword, why the popular definition is misleading, why it is different for leaders, and how you can use self-awareness, adaptability, and humility to build trust without falling into the “authenticity trap.”

Why Authenticity Became a Buzzword in the First Place

Authenticity sells. It sounds pure, human, and uncomplicated. People love saying they’re authentic because it signals honesty and transparency without requiring any actual behavioural change.

But as Tomas explains, authenticity in its everyday use often means something far less helpful or positive. In practice it can mean “I’m doing what I feel like,” or “I’m saying whatever comes to mind, no social filter,” or “I’m not adjusting to the room, and that’s a strength.”

Except… it isn’t. All of us have traits that are unhelpful in a leadership context; impatience (that’s a big one of mine, I’ve been working on it for over a decade..!), defensiveness, conflict avoidance, perfectionism, or a tendency to talk more than we listen.

If a leader says, “I’m just being authentic,” they’re often excusing bad behaviours rather than working to improve them.

Authenticity has become a shield, an excuse, a way to avoid growth. And that’s the issue. Not honesty. Not values. Not integrity. But the idea that “who I am right now is good enough.” Tomas calls this “low-effort authenticity.” And too many of us lean on it in life as well as in leadership.

Authentic Leadership vs. “I’m Just Being Me”

None of which is to say that the Authentic Leadership movement of recent decades is bad. Tomas and I agreed that Authentic Leader Theory is a separate, better defined, and generally positive idea when compared to the wider mainstream narrative of ‘authenticity’ in life/marketing/social media.

This is where the modern conversation around authentic leadership gets tangled. True authenticity in a psychological sense is about alignment between values and actions. It’s not about oversharing or treating your personality like fate. The version Tomas critiques is the surface-level kind: the social-media-ready authenticity that focuses on comfort, not growth.

Whereas actual Authentic Leadership is rooted in: Self-Awareness, Self-Discipline, Adaptation, and Intentional behaviours; it is about honesty without oversharing, ethically grounded charisma, and to some extent being driven by a mission or purpose.

This is what Tomas means by “leading with your best self.”

Your natural tendencies matter. But they don’t get the final vote. Your job is to understand who you are (strengths, flaws, blind spots) and then decide who you need to be in front of others.

Adaptability Isn’t Fake, It’s Professional

One of the most powerful parts of the conversation centred on adaptability. There’s a common (and false) belief that adapting your behaviour means you’re being fake. But that’s like saying a teacher is fake for explaining a concept differently to different students, or a parent is fake for changing their communication style with each child.

Adapting is not about pretending, it’s about being skilled, socially aware, and choosing behaviours that help others succeed.

Tomas argues that the best leaders are chameleons, not because they’re deceptive, but because they’re responsive. They read the room, they adjust, they choose the right version of themselves for the moment.

Your personality is the starting point, not the rulebook.

The Confidence Problem

Tomas also discusses the long-standing issue of confidence in leadership, especially unearned confidence. We tend to select leaders who are assertive, charismatic, and certain of themselves and their decisions… even when that confidence has no basis in competence. It’s one reason leadership failures are so common.

Confidence is compelling, but competence is what makes teams thrive. The authenticity narrative gives bold, loud personalities an excuse to stay that way even when it harms others. A leader who says, ‘I’m blunt, that’s just who I am,’ is often someone who hasn’t learned the difference between honesty and carelessness.

Confidence should follow competence, not the other way around.

Why “Don’t Be Yourself” Is Better Advice Than It Sounds

On the surface, it sounds harsh. But Tomas’s point is subtle and, I think, wise: If ‘yourself’ means your unfiltered, unedited, unrefined state, then no, don’t bring that to leadership.

Bring your improved self.
Bring your intentional self.
Bring the version of you that cares enough to learn how others experience your leadership.

Leadership is a responsibility. And being your ‘authentic self’ shouldn’t clash with being a good leader.

Practical Lessons You Can Use Right Now

Here are the biggest takeaways for leaders:

• Authenticity isn’t an excuse: Your personality isn’t a license to poor behaviour. If something you do consistently creates friction, you can’t hide behind “this is just who I am.”

• Seek accurate feedback: Friends won’t give it, direct reports often can’t. Get feedback from coaches, colleagues, peers, and your own track record.

• Learn your patterns: Are you defensive? Over-confident? Too cautious? Easily distracted? Start noticing the habits that show up under stress.

• Put effectiveness above comfort: You don’t need to feel natural to be effective, leadership often requires doing what isn’t easy.

• Be intentional with behaviour: Great leaders act on purpose, not impulse.

• Think of authenticity as values in action: Not a mood. Not a preference. Not a personality trait. Values. In. Action.

In Summary… Don’t Be the ‘Real You.’ Be the Better You

Authenticity is appealing because it promises ease. No effort. No growth. No discomfort.

But leadership is the opposite of that, it’s a commitment to improve and learn, to show up in a way that lifts others, and to act with clarity not impulse.

And that’s why Tomas’s message matters. Not because authenticity is bad but because it’s not enough. The leaders who thrive aren’t the ones who insist on being themselves at all times and in all ways…

…They’re the ones who insist on being useful. They’re the ones who practice self-awareness, adapt to context, and stay curious about how others experience them.

So don’t “just be yourself.” Be your best self; on purpose, with effort, and with integrity.

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I’ll admit I wasn’t sure where this conversation was going as I’ve long been an advocate of authentic leadership, but I think Tomas and I tested each other’s assumptions and preconceptions about this buzzword-y heavy concept quite well, and in the end agreed on more than we differed. In the process we had a really great discussion and I hope you’ll enjoy listening, here’s that link again: https://smartlink.ausha.co/leading-with-integrity/ep-197-don-t-be-yourself-the-limits-of-authenticity-and-leading-with-your-best-self-with-dr-tomas-chamorro-premuzic

Or if you prefer video, then here’s the YouTube link too: https://youtu.be/Ob6Am4Um1iQ

Next week, I have 3 Episodes for you, because we’re celebrating the 200th Episode milestone on Leading with Integrity. The week will be kicking off on Monday with Mentalist and Cybersecurity Expert, Gary S. Chan, and closing out the week on Friday will be speaker, author, and executive coach Dr. Cynthia Bentzen-Mercer.

And in the midst of that, on our usual Wednesday release day, will be Ep.200 itself, which is still coming together as I write this, so it’ll have to stay a surprise for now…

Looking forward to it, hope to see you there, and until then: Be a Leader Not a Boss,

- David

In case you don’t know me that well, I’m David Hatch and I’m here to help new managers and first-time founders with their leadership skills, so they can become leaders not bosses, lead with integrity, and build happier, higher performing teams, more effective organisations, and, ultimately: successful businesses.

Tackle that imposter syndrome, build confidence as a leader, expand your knowledge of leadership & management, and… Become the leader you wish you’d had, come join my online leadership community. If you have a healthy love of sci-fi and want to learn more about leadership, then this is the community for you. Solopreneurs also welcome. 😉

Here’s the link: Integrity Leaders: Community membership and learning, for new leaders or first-time founders.