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Listen to this week’s podcast episode, Ep.216: Better Organizational Culture With The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, with Dr. Paul White, using the player below, or click here.

There are certain leadership topics that refuse to go away, no matter how many shiny frameworks or productivity tools appear. Culture is one, retention is another, and somewhere underneath both sits a quiet question that leaders often underestimate until it becomes a problem: do people actually feel valued here?

This week on Leading with Integrity, I sat down with Dr. Paul White, psychologist, consultant, and author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. His work has reached hundreds of thousands of leaders across the world, not because it’s clever or fashionable (although at 600,000 copies sold, it’s certainly both of these things too!), but because it tackles something many organisations get wrong in very ordinary ways.

Paul and I talked about appreciation, how it differs from recognition, why vague praise often misses the mark, and what happens when leaders treat people as production units rather than human beings. We also explored remote work, neuro-divergence, family businesses, and why appreciation is no longer optional if you care about keeping good people.

One of the most useful distinctions Paul makes is between recognition and appreciation, because these are often treated as the same thing.

Recognition tends to be structured, public, and performance based. Someone hits a target, completes a project, or wins an award.

Appreciation is different, it’s personal, it’s relational, it can include performance, but it doesn’t stop there.

People bring far more to work than outputs. They bring judgement, patience, creativity, emotional labour, and reliability. Much of that never appears on a dashboard or management report, yet teams rely on it every day. When leaders only acknowledge the visible achievements or the basic functions of a ‘job’, they’re quietly ignoring the qualities that keep the system running.

This matters even more for younger generations, who are far more likely to want to be seen as whole people rather than task machines. Appreciation tells someone: I see you, not just what you produce.

Most leaders who hear about the five languages assume that knowing the categories is enough. Paul is clear that it’s not.

The same language can land very differently depending on how it is expressed and who it comes from. Public praise might energise one person and deeply embarrass another. Quality time might mean one to one time with a manager for some, and time with peers for others.

Acts of service are often misunderstood too, this is not about rescuing someone who is under-performing. It’s about showing support in practical ways when it matters, like removing friction so someone can stay focused on a tight deadline.

Tangible gifts are not bonuses or pay rises, they’re small signals that you know someone as a person. Physical touch, often the most awkward category (and certainly something to be careful with in the workplace!!), is highly culture dependent and looks very different across regions.

The leadership lesson here is simple but uncomfortable: You can’t appreciate people well unless you’re willing to learn what actually matters to them. Guessing usually fails.

Many leaders think they are showing appreciation when they say things like “good job” or “thanks everyone”. Paul’s research suggests this often falls flat, which certainly aligns with my own real-world experiences; how about yours?

Generic praise feels low effort. It tells people very little about what was valued or why it mattered. Over time, it can feel dismissive, especially when people have worked hard on something complex or emotionally demanding.

Specific appreciation takes more effort, it uses someone’s name. It names a behaviour or characteristic. It explains why it mattered to the team, the client, or the organisation.

That extra effort is what makes it meaningful, this isn’t about being eloquent, it’s about being attentive.

Another common misconception is that appreciation is the manager’s job alone. In practice, this creates two problems: First, leaders feel overwhelmed by the idea that they must personally appreciate everyone, all the time. Second, teams miss out on one of the most powerful forms of appreciation, which is peer-to-peer.

Paul’s work shows that people value appreciation from colleagues just as much, sometimes more, than from formal authority figures. Cross-team appreciation also strengthens the key relationships that organisational charts often keep apart, but many businesses depend on for success.

Leaders still matter here, but their role shifts. Instead of carrying the entire burden, they create the conditions, language, and permission for appreciation to move across the team and between teams; which builds a far more sustainable model.

Remote and hybrid work don’t eliminate the need for appreciation. If anything, they make it more visible, necessary. Paul shared that remote employees still want to feel valued, but the way appreciation shows up has to change.

Informal moments disappear. Chance conversations vanish. Leaders and peers have to be intentional in ways that were not required before.

Remote appreciation works best when it includes genuine interest in someone’s life, not just their tasks. It also tends to carry more weight when it comes from peers, because it feels chosen rather than required.

One important caution emerged from Paul’s experience with fully remote teams who had never met in person. In some cases, appreciation efforts simply did not land, without a baseline relationship, the signals felt hollow. The takeaway is not that remote work fails, but that connection needs investment; even occasional in-person time can change how people relate and trust one another.

When asked about being well led, Paul shared an early experience from his career, when he worked in child protective services. His supervisor shielded the team from external pressure so they could focus on emotionally demanding work.

That kind of leadership rarely shows up in job descriptions, yet it leaves a lasting impact. Taking heat from above, deflecting blame, giving people psychological space to do difficult work.

Creating the environment and culture for success…It costs leaders something. That’s why it matters.

One of the strongest business cases Paul makes is around retention. When people do not feel valued, they leave. The financial cost is obvious, but the hidden costs are often worse. Lost knowledge, broken continuity, team morale damage.

Appreciation doesn’t guarantee happiness, and it shouldn’t try to, but it does make organisations function better. People show up more consistently, communication improves, trust increases. In that sense, appreciation is not a soft skill or an added extra. It’s operational infrastructure.

If you lead people, especially in a hybrid or changing environment, this episode offers a few grounded reminders:

Culture is built in small moments and appreciation shapes many of those moments, whether leaders realise it or not.

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If this is an area you have not examined recently, this conversation with Dr. Paul White is a good place to start! Catch the full episode here: https://smartlink.ausha.co/leading-with-integrity/ep-216-better-organizational-culture-with-the-5-languages-of-appreciation-in-the-workplace-with-dr-paul-white

Or, if you prefer video, then watch on YouTube (now in glorious 4K Technicolor…!) at: https://youtu.be/vz2DOceC4CI

Join me again next week when we’ll be discussing the E3E formula: Expression, Engagement, Execution; powered by Emotion, with guest Kathy Eastwood.

Until then, Be a Leader Not a Boss!

- David

In case you don’t know me that well, I’m David Hatch and I’m here to help new managers and first-time founders with their leadership skills, so they can become leaders not bosses, lead with integrity, and build happier, higher performing teams, more effective organisations, and, ultimately: successful businesses.

Turn away from the dark side of management! If you’re a new manager or first-time leader and you’re feeling lonely, stuck, overwhelmed, or simply ready for your next chapter in leadership, the Integrity Leaders Community offers conversations, courses, resources and support to help you grow one step at a time. If you have a healthy love of sci-fi and want to learn more about leadership, then this is the community for you! Solopreneurs also welcome. 😉

Here’s the link: Integrity Leaders: Community membership and learning, for new leaders or first-time founders.